You know this is the worst Twilight because [Taylor Lautner] only has to take off his shirt once.

The Daily Beast, Why ‘The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn 2’ Jumps the Shark

This article is so ridiculous, I had a hard time deciding what my favorite part was, but I think this quote is it. There was that whole bit about how the writer would rather hang out with the Twilight Saga characters than the Harry Potter characters, which is an opinion that is obviously hilarious and not real.

But I gotta tell you, you guys—I saw Breaking Dawn on Friday and was actually straight-up horrified by the fake vampire fight scene at the end. Nightmare fuel. NIGHTMAAAAAAAARE FUEL!!!!!! Jamie Campbell Bower (how, with the TMI movie so imminent, have I never seen it mentioned once anywhere that he’s been in straight up four of these Twilight movies?) has his face, and I am not joking, RIPPED IN HALF. I just…never thought I’d watch a Twilight movie from behind my fingers, but it was terrifying, all that beheading nonsense. Also, it was eerie how much that little girl who played Renesmee actuallylookslike the child Kristen Stewart and Rob Pattinson might have. I was convinced! Do we think they maybe had a kid seven years ago and just didn’t tell anyone?

Those were my completely worthless thoughts on Breaking Dawn. I’m going to miss those clowns.

So on Friday we saw Breaking Dawn. Now, I’ve always had a very soft spot in my heart for the Twilight series; I think it’s got a lot of entertaining moments, and I will always insist that its most redeeming quality is Edward, who I find compelling, especially the dark, dark way Rob Pattison seems determined to play him. And of all the books, Breaking Dawn is my favorite, because the plot is so ridiculous and over the top (my friend Alex Cannon calls it “the drag queen of the series”, and she’s absolutely right), it’s got some very sexy moments, and also Bella is like 1000% more interesting once she (spoiler) becomes a vampire. But this movie, you guys! It’s so bad! There were moments when the entire theater was roaring with laughter, and those moments never coincided with the weak jokes the characters occasionally made. It’s just so silly and ham-fisted, especially all the self-referential bullshit, like the offensively protracted Stephenie Meyer cameo (my friend Joe has no idea who she is, and thus it didn’t bother him, but if you’ve ever seen a photo of her it just pulls you right out of the story) and the red and white chess set (see above photo) that calls back to the Breaking Dawn book cover. UGH. The CGI is terrible, especially all the wolf stuff—I cannot believe with their budget they can’t do better than that—and all the crap that happens inside Bella’s body in the end; just get the guys who do it on House! However, I did enjoy Taylor Lautner more than ever, and I’m really hoping they get it together to make that Incarceron movie, because the story is great and I just like watching him on screen.
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So on Friday we saw Breaking Dawn. Now, I’ve always had a very soft spot in my heart for the Twilight series; I think it’s got a lot of entertaining moments, and I will always insist that its most redeeming quality is Edward, who I find compelling, especially the dark, dark way Rob Pattison seems determined to play him. And of all the books, Breaking Dawn is my favorite, because the plot is so ridiculous and over the top (my friend Alex Cannon calls it “the drag queen of the series”, and she’s absolutely right), it’s got some very sexy moments, and also Bella is like 1000% more interesting once she (spoiler) becomes a vampire.

But this movie, you guys! It’s so bad! There were moments when the entire theater was roaring with laughter, and those moments never coincided with the weak jokes the characters occasionally made. It’s just so silly and ham-fisted, especially all the self-referential bullshit, like the offensively protracted Stephenie Meyer cameo (my friend Joe has no idea who she is, and thus it didn’t bother him, but if you’ve ever seen a photo of her it just pulls you right out of the story) and the red and white chess set (see above photo) that calls back to the Breaking Dawn book cover. UGH. The CGI is terrible, especially all the wolf stuff—I cannot believe with their budget they can’t do better than that—and all the crap that happens inside Bella’s body in the end; just get the guys who do it on House!

However, I did enjoy Taylor Lautner more than ever, and I’m really hoping they get it together to make that Incarceron movie, because the story is great and I just like watching him on screen.

(via evoloh)